"Highly amazing dry cleaning services" and other bullcrap

What does this sentence actually mean?

"In a nutshell, highly appealing dry cleaning services are offered at comparatively reduced options while the availed attractive discounts make the service options more affordable to an extent of creating a mutual relationship with clients."

This is the final paragraph of a blog post appearing on a Georgia, USA dry cleaner's website.

Can anyone explain what this sentence actually means?

Many dry cleaners have been led to believe that it's critical to add blog posts to their websites in order to "engage with a wider audience." This has led to a proliferation of blog posts on dry cleaner websites that can best be described as bullcrap.

There are some common threads running through these posts:

  • They are highly generalized in nature and don't even apply to the dry cleaner in question.
  • They appear to have been written by someone who has never set foot in a dry cleaner or by a dry cleaner who is technically ignorant.
  • They appear to have been outsourced to penny-per-word drivel farms or written by an automaton.
  • They're just a jumble of unintelligible words and phrases devoid of any technical or other meaning.
  • There are more superlatives than facts running through these posts.
  • They have no informational or educational value for the reader.
  • They appear to have been first written in a foreign language and then run through translation software that translates foreign languages to 18th Century English.
  • The identical post appears on the websites of many different dry cleaners across the USA.

Try to make sense of this blog post

 You don't have to be an English major to get a hearty chuckle from this piece of drivel:

"Highly amazing dry cleaning services

During special moments, many people tend to dress to kill so that they can easily capture the attention of individuals they interact with not forgetting every employee is usually required to maintain an elegant dressing code in their line of duty. Professional dry cleaners have spotted the increased demand for the best services, instigating them to combine the expansive experience with fine skills to ensure that they offer top dry cleaning techniques that end-up satisfying clients fully. Consequently, persons with an urge of hiring dry cleaning services are advised to research comprehensively about the best professionals with proven records in quality service provision.

Highly concerned dry cleaners are linked with an exclusive program that entail pick up of dirty laundry, shoes, bed linens and hats prior to assuring a detailed cleaning technique and delivering the perfectly clean items back to the clients resulting to full satisfaction. The encouraging thing about the convenient dry cleaning services is the truth that they offer safety mechanisms to ensure that all luxury items are handled with care that may include; duvet, sham, comforters, and pillow knowing very well that clients are as well assured with quality hanging and folding tactics. More so, the best dry cleaning companies make a point of satisfying fighters, police and security guards with an impressive look bearing in mind that their uniforms are frequently passed through the best dry cleaning process following the agreement with specific institutions."

The blog post goes on and on for a few paragraphs in this fashion.

This post is is utter bullcrap.

A dry cleaner's website and blog should educate and inform 

At RAVE FabriCARE, we've always strived to educate and inform -- even if you'll never use our services. Because the more you know about garment, household textile and accessory care, the better you'll be able to challenge your dry cleaner when they "feed you a line."

I like to say that our website is a free, 24/7 trade show for all questions you might have about garment, household textile and accessory care.

Maybe this is the reason we've been referred to as the "Best Online Resource For Cleaning Questions" by an influential blogger on fine menswear.

The takeaway

Here's the takeaway from this post:

  • Beware of dry cleaner websites and blog posts that are solely designed to promote. Hyperbolic websites and blog posts hardly ever correlates to true quality.
  • Ignore dry cleaner websites and blog posts that are laden with superlatives.

    Instead, ask yourself whether they inform you what they do, why they do it that way, what ordinary cleaners do and why they'd never do what ordinary dry cleaners do?
  • Ignore dry cleaner websites and blog posts that are laden with gobbledygook and other jargon: Instead, ask yourself whether they educate and inform -- in plain English?
  • Look for dry cleaners who are independently recommended.

    For example, is the dry cleaner recommended by nationally known, authoritative, independent third parties and by an array of well-known department stores, boutiques, custom clothiers, bridal salons and handbag and shoe salons?
  • Look for dry cleaners with dozens of positive reviews on independent sites such as Google.

    In this regard, ignore those dry cleaners with a handful of positive reviews from independent review sites (they're probably insider reviews anyhow) and ignore those dry cleaners with hundreds of positive reviews from non-independent review sites (these sites, such as Review My Dry Cleaner, are operated by the dry cleaners themselves).